From the time I was 5 or so, I believed wholeheartedly in God. This was curious, because my parents were essentially agnostics. They were Christian mainly by default, because that’s what ARE in America, if you’re not already some other religion like Jewish or Buddhist or Rastafarian (and if you are any of these, woe to you). Like all other American children growing up in the 1960s, I was taken to church (Methodist) on Christmas and Easter, and enrolled in Sunday School for a time as well.
I entered my first theological debate in first grade, when our class was asked to pray for a sunny day for the upcoming church picnic. I raised my hand and asked the teacher, “But what happens if a farmer prays because he needs rain on the very same day?” She chuckled at my precious naiveté, and quickly changed topics. For many years, all was cool between me and the Big Guy. He protected my dad when he drove home from work, he helped me find things I had lost, and flowers – trees – dogs – bunnies – ice cream were all Because God.
The unraveling process began when I was in sixth grade and felt compelled to dump my BFF because she was Jewish and some really super knowledgeable kids informed me that she was going to hell because she was a Christ-killer. I’d attended Synagogue with her many times, and enjoyed many Shabbat dinners with her family – in fact I was profoundly in love with what I knew of Judaism – but I was afraid of going to Hell by proxy, and I really didn’t want to burn forever and ever and ever, plus have pitchforks poked into me.
The list of my former denominations, above, is entirely accurate. I tried them all, except the Amish, but I got close with the Quakers. My huge problem was that from a very early age, I read a lot. I knew about all the different beliefs out there, and how so many of them weren’t just “different” but diametrically opposed to each other. So I’d be with one a while, get concerned about its heresy, and then be with another one and get concerned by ITS heresy. I think I was too smart for my own good. Or at least, too well-read.
I thought the problem was solved when I married into the Eastern Orthodox faith (I’ll let the Catholics and the Orthodox duke that one out). I felt some reassurance that we supposedly were the “original church” with the “correct theology.” Unfortunately, eventually my mind began to poke holes in that concept as well. I spent 16 years as the wife of an Eastern Orthodox priest who was a sociopath, and that’s all I’ll say about that right now.
But when I left, I was pretty fucking angry at God for all I’d gone through in his name. Eventually, though, my anger changed to curiosity, and I began to read independent sources about stuff like early church history and ancient pagan religions. The tipping point for me was the book “Why I Became an Atheist: A Former Preacher Rejects Christianity,” by John Loftus, a man who has a list of Christian credentials longer than your arm (even if your arm is really, really long).
This book completely blew my mind; if fact I defy any Christian with two brain cells to rub together to read it not be an atheist by page 469, if not before. Interestingly, the moment I realized that I no longer believed in God, my rage at him disappeared. Now I see the folly of the inquiry, “Why are you so mad at God?!” It’s very difficult to maintain anger at something you don’t believe in.
Try to be pissed off at unicorn. I dare you. I even posted a picture of one above for you, to help you concentrate better. Try!! BE MAD AT HIM!! You can’t do it? Then you see what I mean.
Atheists are known by many titles: Skeptics, Freethinkers, Non-Believers, and Godless Fucking Assholes Who Should Leave This Nation Which Was Founded By Born-Again Christians Who Based The Constitution on The Bible So Why Are You Even Here. Personally, I self-identify as a Secular Humanist because it verifies what I have always believed – that human beings are not innately evil, and quite capable of making positive changes in this world if only they worked together.
In my view, the issues that are at the root of the problems of mankind include income inequality; fascist and oligarchical government systems; the belief that people of certain classes, ethnic groups or religions are more “deserving” of a quality life than others; and thousands and thousands of years of child abuse in the name of “discipline.” I believe if we solved these problems, we would be living in a very different world.
Unfortunately, the church is not going to step up and deal with any of these issues – not as long as gays, dinosaur bones, and sex exist. Pack your gear, folks. It’s up to us.
Welcome to my blog. I’m on my first few steps of this journey and I’d be ever so delighted if you accompanied me.
XO C
the baby humanist 